Owen remembers his birth

Owen’s language key;

( ) = sign language or gesture indicating a word
{ } = my narration
Huh-uh = Uh-huh or Yes
Haaah! = this is either said with an angry tone to denote “yes, and I’m not happy about this”, or a high pitched one to denote “Yes! You are exactly right!”
Uh-uh = No
Hhhmmm = Yes! That’s it! You figured it out!
Every instance of “(water)” is actually a made up sign that Owen uses for “in the water”. He uses this for dolphins, whales, swimming, and baths. He uses a sound to indicate that he wants a drink of water or the ASL sign for “wet” to indicate rain, showers, or puddles, however, he did not use those two versions of “water” at all in his talking to me about his birth.


Sunday, September 23rd

Owen had a particularly hard night. Mama was on a conference call and Daddy was trying to keep Owen upstairs with him. Owen was screaming at the top of his lungs and throwing a major tantrum and screaming “BYE DADDY!” and then trying to get to me. Eventually, James brought him to me to nurse while I was on my call because he was just getting too worked up. Despite being exhausted, he would not fall asleep. Around 10:00 pm I was done with my call and I brought Owen into our bedroom to get him to sleep for the night.

Owen sat curled up on my lap and nursed. Something about his curled up legs reminded me of his little tiny newborn legs. I grabbed his legs in my hand and placed them in the position that they used to spring into after he was born. I then pushed them up towards his tummy and said, “this is what you were like in Mama’s tummy, do you remember? You were in the water, do you remember?” The following is the conversation that ensued;

Owen responds, “Uh-uh, no, uh-uh” {waves bye bye}

“Yes, you were in the water in Mama’s tummy.”

“Uh-uh” {waves bye bye} “Uh-oh! Uh-oh!”

“Oh, yes, the water broke, do you remember that, when the water broke?”

“Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!” {He is distressed.}

“Oh, you didn't want the water to break?”

“Uh-uh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! (in the water) (little) (more) (water) (more) (water)” {points to my stomach}

“Oh, was there only a little bit of water left in Mama’s tummy? Did you want more water?”

“Haaah!!” {said with a very angry low tone} “Uh-oh! (in the water) (little) (more) (water) (more) (water)”

{Unlatches and looks deeply and intensely into my eyes} “Pull!” {said in a very low angry tone} “Pull!” {this is not a word in his vocabulary, he said this very deliberately and took time to think it out before saying it each time}

“What?” {even though he pronounced the word perfectly, I didn’t recognize it as a word he uses and wasn’t sure what he was trying to say} “water?”

“Uh-uh!!! PULL!!!” {low and angry tone}

“Oh, push?”

“Haaah! pull!” {unlatches, curls up legs, bends head down to chest and pushes back up with most of the energy and power focusing on his head, he repeats this action a couple of times} “pull, pull, pull.”

“Oh, push, yes, Mama was pushing, you were being pushed out, do you remember that?”

“Haaah!!!”

“(little) (water)” {points to the outside top of each arm one at a time} “(little) (water) (more) (water) (more) (water) (more) (water)” {points to my stomach, points above his head, moves hand up to head and then thrusts it above head} says, “Uh-oh! (water) (little) (more) (water) Uh-oh! Uh-oh!”

“Oh, did the water break? Did it go out up there?”

“Haaah!” {points up above head, points to ear, makes an irritated face}

“Did it make a noise?”

“huh-uh” {squints eyes, points to lights and fan in room}

{wondering if he was changing the subject} “Are you talking about the fan now?”

“Uh-uh” (looks deep into my eyes, points up above head, squints eyes}

“Did the light hurt your eyes?”

“Huh-uh” {points up above head}

“Was the light coming in up there?”

“Huh-uh”

{points down by legs and then to each foot, points over and away from his left side} “(more) (water) (more) (water) (little) (water)” {points up to his head and then up over his head} “(more) (water) (little) (water)” {points to my stomach} “(more) (water)”

“Oh, did ALL the water come out?”

“Haaah!!”

“There wasn't any water by your feet?”

“Uh-uh (more) (water) (little) (water) (more) (water) (little)”

“Oh, you needed more water. You needed a whole bathtub full of water didn't you?”

“Huh-uh”

{sits up, lets me hug him}

“I’m sorry there wasn't enough water for you, Mama wanted more water too.”

“Mama!” {said in a sad and partially scolding way} {points to my stomach} “(more) (water)”

“I’m sorry, I wish there was more water for you, I wanted there to be more water too.”

“Haaah”

“But you needed to come out, did you come out then?”

“Haaah (water) (more) (water) (more) (water)” {points up above head}

“Did the water come out too?”

“Haaah” {points up above his head, points down and off to the side} “Haaah.”

{I hug him} “I'm sorry there wasn't enough water, but I'm glad you came out.”

“(more) (water)”

{points at curtain and says "hole" to crack in blind}

“Okay, I'll fix that hole.”

“Daadeeeeey!” {said in a scolding way as if Daddy caused the crack in the blinds} {climbs into bed, falls asleep after a short song about the day}


Monday, September 24th

{after breakfast, Owen is seated on the counter and I am standing next to him with my arm around him}

“(more) (water)”

“Oh, do you want more water?”

{points to my stomach}

“Oh, yes, we talked about that last night didn't we?”

“(more) (water)”

{points up above his head, moves hand and arm in upward motion}

“Oh, the water all came out up there didn't it?”

“HHHMMM! (more) (water)”

“You wanted more water in Mama’s tummy didn't you?”

“HHHMMMM!!!!”

“Oh, {hug} you needed more water didn't you?”

“Huh-uh” {changes subject}



Later that morning;

“Do you want more booty {snack}?”

“(more), (more) (water)”

“Do you want more water in your cup?”

“(more) (water)” {Owen is standing across the room from me, he points to me, then to his own tummy}

I pick him up and say, “You are thinking about that a lot today, aren’t you?”

He says, “huh-uh”


Later that night;

{as I am nursing him before bedtime} “(more) (milk), (more) (milk), (more) (milk)”

“Do you need more milk in Mama's boobas?”

“Huh-uh, (more) (milk)”

“Isn't there enough in there?”

“Uh-uh (more) (milk), (more) (water)”

“Do you want some water do drink?”

“Uh-uh, (more) (water)” {points to my stomach}

“Oh, yes, you wanted more water in my tummy.”

“Huh-uh”

“Mama is sorry that there wasn't more water.”

“Huh-uh”

“More milk in boobas, and more water in tummy. Mama's body just isn't functioning very well for you, is it?

“Haaah!”



Tuesday, September 25th

{as I nurse Owen before bed}

“(more) (milk), (more) (milk)”

“You need more milk in Mama’s Booba’s?”

“(more) (milk), (more) (water)”

“Do you need some water?”

“(more) (water)” {points to my stomach} “boy” {he calls himself boy}

“Yes, boy wanted more water in Mama’s tummy, didn’t he?”

“(more) (water) pull”

“Oh, yes, you got pushed out, didn’t you?”

“HHHMMM!”

“Well, you had to come out. We wanted you to come out so you could see Mama and Daddy!”

“Daddy”

“Yes, you saw Daddy first, didn’t you?”

{gets upset, starts to whine and slightly cry} “Mama Daddy Mamma Daddy HOME Daddy HOME”

“Oh, you wanted Daddy to stay home from work today?”

“Hhhmmm” {subject changes to explaining that Daddy goes to work, but he always comes back home, etc.}



The next couple days;

Owen is very clingy towards us. He does not let me separate in his ECFE class. Instead of going with the other Moms, I had to stay back with him. Each morning he has repeatedly told me that he wants to stay home, that he wants Mama and Boy to stay home, that he wants Daddy to come home, and he gets upset if we take a shower because he thinks we are getting ready to go somewhere, and he keeps saying “home, boy, Mama, home”. He insists on coming with me everywhere I go and wont stay with James. This is reversed from normal, if Daddy is home he generally wants Daddy, and if he thinks I am leaving he simply waves to me and says “bye Mama” until I go. He usually seems like he could care less that I am leaving, but in the last couple days he wont let me go and he also gets upset if we separate from Daddy. He wants us all together at all times. His feelings are also getting hurt often lately. If we speak a little too harshly or misunderstand him in anyway his eyes tear up and he tries to hold it in. I then comfort him and hug him and he starts crying. He’s never done this before.



Friday, September 28th

{at the breakfast table} “(more) (water)” {points to his stomach, points to my stomach}

“Oh, yes, you wanted more water in Mama’s tummy, didn’t you?”

“Hhhmmm”


Friday Night

“(more) (water), (more) (water)”

“Yes, I know, you needed more water didn’t you?”

“Hhhmm”

“pull”

“oh, yes, Mama pushed you out didn’t she?”

“co” {I’m unclear if this was ‘cold’ or ‘go’}

“Oh, was it cold?”

“Hhhmmm”


Wednesday, October 3rd

There has been no more talk of the birth from Owen since that Friday night, however we have been having a difficult time with separations. Today was his ECFE class. This morning I told him we were going to school and he said, “no, Mama, no go, Mama” “HOME, boy, Mama, HOME!” “No bye Mama, no bye Mama”. What he meant by that, if it isn’t clear, is that he didn’t want to go to school, he wanted us to stay home because he doesn’t like it when the Mothers separate and go into the parent discussion room for the end of class. I told him that I would stay with him. He then scolded me, “Maamaaaaa!”, to let me know that separating was not acceptable. When we got to class he kept reminding me, “no bye Mama, no bye Mama.” Every time I asked if he wanted to do something he would say, “Mama” and grab my hand and drag me to the activity with him. At circle time we sang songs and the teacher announced that we were going to sing the last song and then say goodbye to our Moms and give them a kiss and a hug and then we would see them later when they came back. Even though there was still a song left to sing, as soon as the teacher said, “we’re going to say goodbye to our Moms”, Owen just burst into tears. He said, “No Mama, no bye Mama!” I heard the entire group let out a sympathetic “Ohhhhhh” and the teacher said, “Owen, we are still going to sing one more song, the Mom’s aren’t leaving yet”, but it was no use, he was already crying hard. I had to console him a great deal before he calmed down, and I had to repeatedly tell him that I wouldn’t go, I would stay with him.

He has also increased his amount of baths from 1 a day, to 2 to 4 a day. Owen loves water and finds comfort and relaxation by taking a bath, so I know when the baths increase that his anxiety level has also increased.